Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Having a "moment"

Its an interesting thing to see 100 homeless people sing worship songs together.
Its an interesting thing to see numerous addicts sincerely sing to God.
Its an interesting thing to see the mentally used-up stretch their hands to heaven.
Its an interesting thing to see a man pray for healing, and then gain feeling throughout his body for the first time in years.
Even the ragged, despaired, stuck, and horrendously swallowed up, are aware that there is a higher power.
For a moment my heart believes that a change can happen.
I want to always feel like a change can happen.
Lives can be renewed.
Addictions can be broken.
Minds can be set free.
Poverty can die and quality of life can begin.

Tonight I can tell myself to sleep.
For this moment my heart believes that a change can happen.

Found this in an old journal and also in an old blog entry from 2008.
2008...the year i turned 25 and the year that i had always claimed would be MY year.
It totally was. I always said i needed to be doing what i loved and was serious about by age 25. So i did. It happened. I was also pregnant on my 25th birthday. (Not planned, but incredible non the less). I had reached my "goal" of doing what im serious about. It lasted 2 years. Now im here with my 1 year old precious son, wondering what the heck am i supposed to be doing now? Thought i would be raising him in the ghetto of San Francisco, but im no longer in SF, and purely raising Forest. But im stuck asking myself..."what am i supposed to be doing and who am i supposed to be now?"
Perhaps an identity crisis of some sort? I was living amongst crack addicts, and now im hosting "play group" at my apartment. What is happening to me?
Im torn between two lives i think. Part of me desires to see the world and still be apart of something incredible, but the other part of me says, "i AM apart of something incredible;raising Forest. And i AM using my knowledge of the world and what it means to truly live out teaching, showing, and just living it, with Forest.
God must have known that I NEEDED to accomplish my "age 25 goal", because HE only wanted it to last a short time. So incredibly grateful for God answering my prayer at age 17, sitting in the grass in Romania, "give me a passion that the world cannot explain".
Its true, ive never been able to explain it.
And forever thankful for getting to experience my "age 25 goal". Cant believe it actually happened by the exact age!
Without those two things, I would have never had the understanding of what it means to truly love and to truly live.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

3rd Book! Hellzzz yeah! hahaha

Guess I know what ill be getting from Bert for my bday this year!
3rd book, and 3rd bday in a row of getting her books.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

We have moved.....again! We are LOVING it!

Enjoying very hot summer days, swimming in the pool, also playing in kiddie patio pool, changing lots of poop filled "swim diapers", going on walks, playing in the grass, b.b.qing corn on the cob, enjoying being a family.

Catch up with pics soon!

Speaking of "swim diapers". Today while changing an explosive poop swim diaper, I had a flash back of a chapter in Tori Spelling's book "Mommywood". Tori, thanks for coaching me through this hideous moment!