Today, while sitting in church it dawned on me that everything surrounding me in my life is dirty. Chaotic, messy, gross, and dirty.
It took me two tries before i could find a seat in church. Most of the seats were filled with crumbs or puddled with spilled coffee.
Robert coordinated a fun pot-luck for after church. There was tons of food and everyone in our church really gets into this stuff. However, after serving most of the food, i was unable to eat any of it. Purely because i had just watched tons of people breeze through it. The deviled eggs that Judy made looked great....until I watched a homeless woman drag the bottom of her jacket through them as she walked beside the table. I stood behind the table and just watched every item become gross to me one by one. In the end, i though i could at least get a chip. But that was only until i saw the kids dive into the bag with their dirty hands.
I grabbed a drink and sat down. Holding in my almost freak-out attack. Just then, one of the kids ran up to me and handed me a balloon that looked like they had rolled it in hair and dirt from the floor. At the same time, a well known man on the streets began talking with me. This would have been wonderful, however i was watching him spit his ice cream all over me while he spoke.
I stopped hearing what he was saying because i was so in the middle of dying from seeing his spit landing all over me.
This is when i reached my breaking point. I ran home in the rain. I ran to my home which is also chaotic and gross due to major construction taking place. The dust and dirt from the hallway floors caked on to the bottom of my rained on pants and shoes. I went through randomly placed furniture and objects like a maze before getting to my door. I took off all my clothes and slid into my bed and lost my mind. ""
I lost my mind for 6 hours. Just me losing my mind in my underwear, hiding in my new "performance fleece" bed sheets. The only clean, non chaotic space in my entire community. My loving husband brought me food and many popsicles and a movie.
He is precious.
I have been a mole this entire day. A TOTAL MOLE. Now that its 8 pm, i am still a mole, but a mole who is now out of my "performance fleece" bed. I have now moved to my couch.
I am not ashamed.
Sometimes being a mole for a day is the only way i can survive here. And i feel like thats ok..
But in the end i remember that the reason why i stay here , is the same reason why i had to be a mole. I stay because of the woman who drug her coat through the eggs. The man who spit a hundred times on me. And the kids who hand me sickening balloons. I love them. I cant help it.
On a side note: If you think you may be about to lose your mind, you might want to consider purchasing some "performance fleece" sheets first!! Robert got me some as a glorious/creative valentines present. I cant describe them....you just need to feel them!
P.S
Thank you to my nieces and nephews who sent us some cute valentine pictures! I didnt know that was the "in" thing to do these days, But i thoroughly enjoyed them!
1 comment:
Sorry to hear about your mole day. Pretty soon you and Forest can just Mole together.
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