Having a "moment"

Its an interesting thing to see 100 homeless people sing worship songs together.
Its an interesting thing to see numerous addicts sincerely sing to God.
Its an interesting thing to see the mentally used-up stretch their hands to heaven.
Its an interesting thing to see a man pray for healing, and then gain feeling throughout his body for the first time in years.
Even the ragged, despaired, stuck, and horrendously swallowed up, are aware that there is a higher power.
Beautiful.
For a moment my heart believes that a change can happen.
I want to always feel like a change can happen.
Lives can be renewed.
Addictions can be broken.
Minds can be set free.
Poverty can die and quality of life can begin.

Tonight I can tell myself to sleep.
For this moment my heart believes that a change can happen.


Found this in an old journal and also in an old blog entry from 2008.
2008...the year i turned 25 and the year that i had always claimed would be MY year.
It totally was. I always said i needed to be doing what i loved and was serious about by age 25. So i did. It happened. I was also pregnant on my 25th birthday. (Not planned, but incredible non the less). I had reached my "goal" of doing what im serious about. It lasted 2 years. Now im here with my 1 year old precious son, wondering what the heck am i supposed to be doing now? Thought i would be raising him in the ghetto of San Francisco, but im no longer in SF, and purely raising Forest. But im stuck asking myself..."what am i supposed to be doing and who am i supposed to be now?"
Perhaps an identity crisis of some sort? I was living amongst crack addicts, and now im hosting "play group" at my apartment. What is happening to me?
Im torn between two lives i think. Part of me desires to see the world and still be apart of something incredible, but the other part of me says, "i AM apart of something incredible;raising Forest. And i AM using my knowledge of the world and what it means to truly live out love...by teaching, showing, and just living it, with Forest.
God must have known that I NEEDED to accomplish my "age 25 goal", because HE only wanted it to last a short time. So incredibly grateful for God answering my prayer at age 17, sitting in the grass in Romania, "give me a passion that the world cannot explain".
Its true, ive never been able to explain it.
And forever thankful for getting to experience my "age 25 goal". Cant believe it actually happened by the exact age!
Without those two things, I would have never had the understanding of what it means to truly love and to truly live.

3rd Book! Hellzzz yeah! hahaha

Guess I know what ill be getting from Bert for my bday this year!
3rd book, and 3rd bday in a row of getting her books.

We have moved.....again! We are LOVING it!

Enjoying very hot summer days, swimming in the pool, also playing in kiddie patio pool, changing lots of poop filled "swim diapers", going on walks, playing in the grass, b.b.qing corn on the cob, enjoying being a family.

Catch up with pics soon!



p.s
Speaking of "swim diapers". Today while changing an explosive poop swim diaper, I had a flash back of a chapter in Tori Spelling's book "Mommywood". Tori, thanks for coaching me through this hideous moment!

Birthday Boy!

We made it through the first year! hahaha


Typical happy Forest face (little bit like my twin)

Dad, show me what to do!

The Little Man has turned 1 year old!


We had a really fun time celebrating Forest's 1st birthday with family and friends this
past weekend. Its hard to believe a year has already gone by.
He is such a precious little man! I am so blessed to have him as my son.


He thoroughly enjoyed his party and ALL of his presents!
He couldnt wait to get up and play with them the next morning....once all of his cousins were
gone and he had the toys to himself! Yet, despite all of these great new things, he promptly went into the kitchen, opened the cabinet, pulled out the oatmeal container, grabbed a spatula, sat on the floor and started to drum. Typical.

Uninvited guests

A couple of noobs in town for the summer season, decided to invite themselves over last night. I guess they thought all of Forest's cheerios on the ground looked pretty inviting!

Trapped by Robert! We are not friendly to visitors that arrive at bedtime!


And here he is in his lovely paper bag...


Awaiting his free ride outside!

Half hour later, his plump little friend came over to have a shower!
(i heard him climbing up the shower curtain while i was in bed)


Sorry little guy...next time use the guest bathroom!
Good skill and technique Berto! haha

HAHA! SUCKERS! (the plump little guys are now resting in our garbage can outside)

FYI: we have found their "secret" entrance, and it will be sealed!

A boy and his spoon

The other morning Forest and I let Robert sleep in. However, Robert had left a bowl and spoon on the living room floor from the night before. The very first thing Forst did that morning (of course) was grab the spoon and use it to play "music" on the bowl.
I let him because it was cute...pretty sure Robert didnt sleep very well! The entire rest of the day, Forest would not put the spoon down. (minus nap time). If he left it somewhere, he would quickly realize and go back for it.

What we've been up to in May

Quiet mornings in his favorite spot with sippy cup

Lots of lunches and stroller cruising at the park

Organizing his clothes and getting ready to take old ones to baby consignment store
(if youre thinking he spends a lot of time without a diaper on, you are correct)

Playing in diaper boxes

Enjoying bath time

Walks at the park

Photo shoots

Had fun when Grandma and Grandpa Dan came to visit

Lots of days at the park

Drumming with Dad

Playing with cousins Andrew and Ashleigh during their visit

Spent time in San Francisco with great friends

Many nights of throwing his pacifier out of the crib, just to get me to go back in
and hand it to him.

The month of June is already almost here! Forest will be 1 year old on June 29, and i cant believe it! A year has gone by already. Just this past month, he has changed so much...such a little boy now. Not so much a "baby". I still wish we could just lounge in bed all day together, like when he was a newborn. But those days were precious and few! Now im chasing him around the house as he crawls from one destination to the next!
He's been busy this month. He wakes up early and eager to get around and play. He's constantly scanning the room looking for something to get into. He recently lost interest in most of his toys, and refuses to play with them most of the time. He would much rather go exploring. Except last night i brought the big blogs out and we were screaming non stop as we built towers just to knock them down. He's soooo into standing up. Loving his finger foods. Thinking he's incredibly cool drinking from his sippy cup and eating real snacks. He loves yelling at the top of his lungs, clapping, dancing (mostly to hip-hop), playing with his friends, going to the park, reading books, and of course still loves to cuddle up at the end of the day. I try to soak up every moment i get, because soon enough ill be taking pics of him on his first day of school.
With all that said, everything written above is not only what Forest has been up to, but its also everything that I have been up to! Sometimes I say that i just need a break and a day of being 19 again. Specifically 19. O yes, 19, the days when i didnt have to worry about finding the stupid wooden letter "O" to complete "Forest" on my sons bedroom wall. By the way, how many people could possibly be purchasing the letter "O"?? How could they always be out of it?
I used to be concerned with boys, then i was concerned with world issues, then i was concerned with urban communities, and now all im concerned about is how the heck will i find the stupid letter "O" for my sons wall?! haha...what has happened to me? I think ill get back to "normal" in the future, but for now, i try to stay focused on my family, while adding in small doses of the other aspects of who i am.

Enjoy the pics from May